What Are You Afraid Of?

I can still see her face. A chill runs down my spine as I recall how those beady eyes stared at me through the darkness. It was if they could sense the panic in my soul. But it was her nose that dominated her appearance; oversized and crooked, it made her seem as if she had come from another world, another place where evil flourished. I don’t know how she had managed to invade my world that night. But there she was, shattering my peaceful existence. All I could do was just lie there in terror and wait. Would she make her move? I knew I could put a stop to her devilish domination of the night. I knew I could. But did I dare?

I was nine. I fought this horrendous battle with the dark over a period of a few months whenever I would wake up in the middle of the night and realize that I had left my closet door opened. Something about the shapes inside looked so much like a witch to my young eyes. I was old enough to know that she was not real, but the fear controlled me. The battle raged until one night I mustered my courage and did something utterly profound . . . I got up and shut the closet door. That simple act of bravery freed me from the witch's dominion. I felt strong and victorious. I felt proud. I felt a little less like a child and a little more like a man.

I am reading a Donald Miller book right now about how he helped write the screenplay for a movie based on his other book, Blue Like Jazz. He points our that the stories most of us live are really boring.  Deep down we dream of greatness, but the thing we really work towards is mediocrity. We invest a great amount of time and effort to be status quo. Why don’t we live bolder lives? Why don’t we hear God’s call to be extraordinary lovers of life and others? I think part of the answer is very simple: we are afraid. Just like my nine year old self, we are paralyzed by the unknown and uncontrolled in life.

Certainly fear is a natural and important part of our souls. Fear keeps us from harm. But so often fear changes from being a innate tool of protection to become an underlying definition of our identity. It becomes such a part of our condition that we don’t even recognize it as such. We fail to be great because we just want to be safe.

I challenge you to ask yourself the following question: “What am I afraid of?” Before you respond too quickly, stop and really think. This is not a question that can be answered easily. It is a journey within ourselves. It takes us beyond our outer facades into the core of who we are. It is a journey that will perhaps take us where we do not expect.

I believe that God calls all of us to lead extraordinary lives. Lives of extraordinary involvement, extraordinary love, extraordinary sacrifice, extraordinary joy. So often our fears are the leash that restrains us from the extraordinary.  But truly dealing with our cowardice can lead us to unknown freedom.

So what is the witch in your closet? That is your homework.