Friday, October 29, 2010

Go Drink a Coffee

Through the small smoke filled room I could see a vast assortment of engine gaskets hanging from the wall. The three men who worked at this auto parts store were sitting on the other side of the counter, talking about "car things” and puffing on cigarettes. They seemed to be enjoying themselves, and were not at all concerned with my presence. Through the haze I could see an assortment of interesting auto parts posters on the other wall. I had never made a connection between naked ladies and disc brake rotors, but apparently the girl in the picture really like them.*  Beyond the posters was a window through which I could see the dusk of the first snowy day of the year.  This was one of those uncomfortable situations life sometimes brings. My deficiencies in Bulgarian were evident. I can think of no more difficult language situation than a group of men speaking an unfamiliar jargon. Bulgarian men are notoriously difficult for me to understand. They tend to speak softly and mumble their words. So there I stood: inhaling half a pack of second hand smoke, poorly dressed to go outside in the cold, unable to participate in the conversation taking place before me, staring out the window as I tried diligently not to look at the captivating auto parts posters, just waiting.
My journey to this scene had begun much earlier in the day. Our car had become almost impossible to start on these cold fall mornings. I had come to this store earlier that morning to buy the parts to rectify the problem.** The salesman had told me that they did not have the parts in stock, but they would get them. “Come back before 5 and you can pick them up.” Trying to time my return properly I arrived at exactly 4:42 to retrieve my items. This would give me just enough time to return home and install the parts before dark. I estimated that the chance of the order actually being there when I arrived was only about 50/50. When I walked in the door my fears were confirmed. My order had not arrived. (In fact, I am not sure the order had ever been placed.) The parts peddler informed me that the warehouse was close by. He told me that he would have the items sent over by a taxi and that it would take half an hour at the most. “Иди да пиеш кафе,” he said to me in the familiar form. “Go drink a coffee.” Knowing that “half an hour” in Bulgaria doesn’t really mean 30 minutes, I fooled around for an hour and then returned. My parts had still not arrived. The employees assured me the order would soon come and I should stay there with them. So there I waited, me, and the men, and the smoke, and Ms. Fan Belt. Another whole hour passed before the taxi with my parts finally arrived.
These idle moments led me to reflect on the very nature of time. Time is viewed fundamentally different in this part of the world than in the US. Perhaps Americans tend to view time as something to be used. Its value is often measured by the fruit it produces. Time that is unproductive is time that is wasted. I think Bulgarians tend to see time as something to be valued. The successful use of time is not measured by productivity, but by how much each moment is treasured. “Go drink a coffee” meant for me to capture the time, to enjoy the moment. The three men in the shop were waiting on the taxi just like I was. They couldn’t go home until it came and I was gone. However, I don’t think that they saw the time as wasted. While this attitude does not necessarily lead to great efficiency, it might lead to greater fulfillment. 
The apostle Paul wrote that his readers were to “make the most of every opportunity” (Colossians 4.5). A  literal translation would be, “redeem the time.” Perhaps time is redeemed, not by our achievements, but by the value we place on each moment. Is it possible that our desire for productivity keeps us from truly appreciating the treasure of each second?
*Actually the wall displayed a whole series of posters. I had never realized the romantic side of oil filters before. I began to wonder if I had always taken the wrong approach in trying to woo my wife. Maybe females really do like car paraphernalia. Think of all the money I wasted on flowers. I could have brought home battery cables instead. I pondered, “Imagine how Laura will be dazzled by the diesel engine parts I was then buying.” I was encouraged by this new idea. Upon finally arriving home, I was filled with anticipation as I climbed the stairs to our apartment. How impressed she would be. When she greeted me at the door, I enthusiastically related the harried events of the day and then proclaimed, “Hey Laura, check out these glow plugs I just bought” . . . More research needs to be done on this. Apparently, not all automotive accessories  are equally as effective. One of the girls on the posters seemed to be exhilarated by pine tree shaped air fresheners. Maybe I will try that next.

**For those of you that care. I had to buy new glow plugs for our diesel Toyota Picnic. I had to install them that night under a street light in the snow. A sad picture I know. FYI: Half of the cars in Europe have diesel engines. 

Thursday, October 21, 2010

The White Picket Fence

Deep down, somewhere in my soul, I am a writer. Maybe not a very interesting one, but the spark of writing is a part of me. I often spend time producing prose in my mind that will never see the light of day. So when a friend suggested I start this blog, I knew that it was time to let my miscellaneous musing spill out on the page.

The life I have found is far different than the one I pictured in my early adulthood. I was going to be a pastor of a church somewhere in a southern state with a typical family and a white picket fence. (Well, first I was going to be an engineer, then I ended up being a pastor) Life was going to be normal, predictable, secure, and controlled. I was going to massage every detail to fit the portrait I had imagined. This is not the life I now live.

So, what has brought this great change? How did my life move so far away from its projected destination? Two factors come to mind. First, I have no doubt that God has led me this way. If you keep up with this blog you will discover that faith is a key part of who I am. My pursuit of, or rather, walk with God has led me far from my own intentions. He is not exactly who I thought He was, and His desires for me are not what I understood. Second, Sofia is to blame. Nine years ago we left everything we knew and moved to Sofia, Bulgaria. After living here, I knew I could never go back. The noise, beauty, smell, crowds, tragedy, wonder, and dirt of this city and its residents changed the way I understood my own existence.

Somewhere along the way, I realized that life is to be lived, not controlled. My desire to arrive within the confines of my white picket fence kept me from experiencing the journey. And that is what life is, a journey. My own comfort was a narcotic that took the edge off of life. It sheltered me not only from pain and struggle, but also from true joy and celebration. It brought apathy and complacency. It kept me from loving others. My own security kept me from faith. I realized that a white picket fence is still a fence.

The life I write about in this blog is not the one of my dreams. It is much easier and more difficult, very simple and terribly confusing. I would have it no other way. My family and I love where we are and what we do. The narcotic of comfort is unavailable to so many here. Life is rawer and perhaps more real. Laughter and tears are deeper and more prevalent for us in this beautifully dark place. We love it!

Thank you for listening to my thoughts on "The Sofia Effect."
John