Two Sides of Life

On one hand: I woke up this morning on the Macedonian shore of Lake Dojran. Looking across its glassy surface I could see the rugged mountain peaks of Greece. The majestic view is breathtaking. I sipped my coffee and tried to absorb the weight of this experience. So much history. So much beauty. So much to think about. I recognized the privilege of being alive in this moment.

On the other hand: We are homeless. The Bulgarian government has taken its time in granting our resident visas. Our temporary visas have expired and we were forced to leave the country.  Everything we own, our friends, our home, all inaccessibly lay four hours away on the other side of the Bulgarian border. The feeling of powerlessness is pervasive. So little sense can be made of the whole affair. We live in Bulgaria to do good. How could all the red tape keep us from our calling? And now we find ourselves unintentionally sojourning in Macedonia.

On the other hand: The hospitality extended to us by our new friends in Macedonia is indescribable. When a friend of a friend heard of our situation he volunteered for us to stay in his home free of charge. In this part of the world, when you are someone’s guest, you become their responsibility. Your host becomes your protector and your servant. They will do any and everything to take care of you. When our friend’s house proved to be unavailable to us, he worked for hours to provide a place for us to stay. Now we are inhabiting two rooms of a small hotel in Southern Macedonia where other new friends are going to great lengths to meet our every need. We are humbled by their service to us.

On the other hand: For the first time in the international aspect of my life, I have had the desire to give up. Perhaps this is all just too hard. Why should I subject my family to all of this turmoil? Why not just return to the States and do something easier? At least in America we don’t have to fight the bureaucracy just to have the right to live there. Is this all worth it?

On the other hand: Quitting is not an option. We have no doubt that God has called us to Bulgaria. The needs are so clear and so great. The poverty, the hopelessness, cry out to us. God is somehow in the middle of all of it. Nikola,the owner of our small hotel is a believer. He told me, “I am all alone.” The closest small church is over an hour’s drive away and he doesn’t have a car. He shared that he had been praying for someone to come and mentor him. This morning I had the inexpressible joy of reading through the first chapters of John with him in Macedonian. How incredible! In this place of desperation, I find myself doing the thing I love most in a language that is close to one I know. 

Life is often complicated. I do not understand much of what happens within my own existence. Questions like “how?,” “when?,” and “why?,” often go unanswered. And yet when we are able to take our eyes off of ourselves, we can see the mystery of God’s hand around us.